Intentional Living
Sleep, Mindset, & Lifestyle
There are three core components to creating a life with intention:
1.) Sleep - routines, deep sleep and quality
2.) Mindset - stress, outlook, barriers to happiness, optimism, goals
3.) Lifestyle - nature, rest/sabbath, laughter, addressing trauma
Sleep, mindset and overall “healthy” lifestyle requires going against the normal flow of our fast pace world. We rush everywhere. We rush to bed, we rush to wake up, then we rush through breakfast and off to school/jobs, then rush to activities, through dinner hurry to bed to do it all over again. Many of us do not know how to slow down. Our kids do not know how to slow down.
We feel lazy if we are not working on projects, earning a dollar, or running our kids all over the place. Adults spend hours in the gym trying to make up for the long hours of sitting, and kids are doing the same with sports. We spend way too much money on supplements and therapies, when often the things that are free we dismiss because they do not fit into this fast-paced agenda, and our kids are paying the price.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a slower paced lifestyle, and the opportunity to get bored.
Stick with me on this one.
Our kids need to understand what can happen when they are bored in a safe environment. Boredom leads to creativity, and boredom teaches them to explore.
Our children need the chance to explore and to create. In their backyards and in nature. I’d go so far as to say that they need to explore in the woods. Did you know that trees provide a natural barrier to EMF exposure? They are rooted (grounded) and if you hold an EMF reader by a cell tower, then step under a tree close by, the meter reading will dramatically decrease.
Creating a healthy lifestyle in action is absolutely making space for good nutrition, addressing the roots that are creating disfunction, using tools in our tool box to be proactive, moving our bodies, and cleaning up our environment.
But creating a lifestyle with intention is also creating space for good sleep, stress management, rest, exploration, laughter and vision.
Proverbs 29:18 “Where there is no vision, the people perish”
SLEEP
“About 2/3 of Americans don’t get enough sleep. This may be one of the single biggest contributors to the rise in chronic illness over the last 50 years” – Sarah Ballentyne, PhD
Sleep may not feel like the most productive time of your day. But your body is absolutely productive in the precious sleep hours. Sleep is the time our bodies rest, detox and grow. Memories are stored during sleep. The body is supposed to go into parasympathetic “rest and digest” stage. The liver detoxes, the brain shrinks and detoxes, and energy is restored to the body. But all of this work isn’t accomplished without the right sleep environment and the necessary sleep amount, so that most restorative phases of sleep can be reached.
Sleep is like currency and our bodies, a bank. We deposit (sleep), and we withdraw (awake time). Overtime, a sleep debt can accumulate and our health will suffer. And our kids are not immune. While many adults get incredibly fatigued when sleep is missed, kids seem to have the opposite effect most often. Sleep deprived kids can get really wild and react with over-activity. Some are cranky, grumpy, clumsy, silly, crazy, fidgety, and, yes, some are just plain sleepy. In fact, lack of sleep can be a contributing factor to things like ADHD/ADD, struggling in schoolwork, impulsivity, aggression, behavioral issues, and more. Kids who do not get enough sleep can sometimes have an increased frequency of illness. Their sleep debt can weaken their immune systems. Melatonin (the sleep hormone!) is also incredibly important in gut health, and we need a proper circadian rhythm, and proper sleep progression to have the right balance of melatonin. Melatonin is also important for growth, and when this cycle is delayed, there can be a delay in growth.
Appetite regulating hormones are also affected by sleep. These hormones help stimulate hunger and also tell the body when it has had enough and is satisfied. When these hormones are out of balance it can lead to kids eating more false high energy foods like sweets and causing weight gain. Very often poor sleep can be a contributing factor in obesity.
Short term effects of lack of sleep can often be enough to convince a parent to take action in helping their child be a better sleeper, but it’s often the long-term consequences that are overlooked. This is another point to consider when navigating the importance of sleep in your house. Sleep disorders can take their toll on a child’s health slowly. The most obvious impact is the fact that children are creating healthy or unhealthy patterns in their life. Like we have often heard, “more is caught, than taught.” We can tell our children all about the importance of sleep, but they don’t see us in action, they are unlikely to prioritize it themselves. If a family prioritizes sleep, the children will often grow up having that foundation. It’s going to much easier to give sleep last priority as an adult if you have watched your parents do it your whole life. While we may not need as much sleep as an adult, sleep is still a high priority in our health, helping our kids make this a priority when they are young can make a huge difference long term.
“It is a myth that some children don’t need much sleep. It’s true that most children can’t tell you when they are tired and, even if they know they were tired, they are unlikely to own up. But all children need sleep, and the right amount. They don’t adapt or adjust or develop resilience to poor sleep or sleep deprivation: they simply don’t thrive, don’t grow and don’t learn as well” – Dr Judith Owens
How much sleep should your child be getting?
Newborn – 3 months 14-17 hours
Infants – 4-7 months 12-16 hours
Toddlers – 1-2 Years 11-14 hours
Preschoolers – 3-5 Years 10-13 hours
Children – 6-12 Years 9-12 hours
Teenagers 13-18 Years 3-10 hours
Adults – 7-9 hours
**Note this is asleep time. Not the time your child might lay in bed trying to get to sleep. This is the number of accumulative uninterrupted sleep. They should wake up feeling rested and refreshed.
There are a lot of kids who have a really hard time winding down. Particularly those with ADHD or schedules that do not allow down time in the evenings to properly get to wind down. There are environmental, structural, and even viral/bacterial components to sleep that can make it difficult to get the right amount.
Some things to consider when determining if your child is sleeping well or not:
While sleeping: Can you hear your child mouth breath, snore, grind teeth? Is drool left on the pillow? Do they gasp/wake startled?
Do they have difficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep or getting back to sleep?
Are they a light sleeper?
Do they have a hard time waking up? Are they a slow starter.? Wake with a headache? Sleepy throughout the day at ages where they wouldn’t need a nap?
Do they have signs of disturbed sleep: Night terrors, sleepwalk/talk, wet the bed?
Quality of sleep: Do they get the recommended sleeping hours for their age? (no more and no less)
Some other areas to assess are routine, daytime clues that your child is not getting the sleep they need, and dental/structural things that might be affecting sleep/health.
A child that isn’t sleeping well may:
At nighttime: Get a second wind, be wound up or wired before bed, be unable to follow bedtime instructions, becomes easily upset before bed, refuses to get into bed, falls asleep in other areas that are not his/her bedroom, uses excuses for why he/she cannot go to sleep, is unable to wind down, takes more then 15 mins to fall asleep.
Once asleep: Wakes up in the middle of the night, parents playing “musical beds,” wakes up afraid, has nightmares.
Daytime: Emotional in ways that seem consistent. Social, learning and behavior concerns. Physically tired, can’t sit still, sleepy, fidgety, constantly on the move.
Airway Red flags: Appears to stop breathing or holds their breath while they sleep. Snores at night. Breaths loudly. Wakes up in odd positions. Mouth breaths. Sweats when they sleep. Drools on the pillow. Sleep is easily disrupted. Morning headaches. Wakes slowly. Has to be woken up. Groggy. Poor morning appetite.
Myco Functional & Dental Red flags: Small/narrow face. Lower jaw growing down and back versus forward. Middle cheek bones are flat. Mouth: Tongue or lip tie, teeth crowded, cross-bite, overbite, unexplained tooth decay, open bite. Throat: enlarged tonsils. Other: Speech issues, clearing voice constantly, swallows noisily, slumped posture, forward head posture.
What can you do to support healthy sleep?
Create a healthy bedtime routine - aim to start 30 minutes - 1 hour before lights out
Embrace seasonal variation - More sleep in the darker days of winter and less sleep in the summer days.
Create a healthy sleep environment
Lower EMFs –kids need an environment where they are able to get into a parasympathetic state. When their bodies are bombarded with EMFs all night it creates an environment where the body is in constant fight or flight. If you have to only focus on one room in the house to lower EMFs, make sure it’s the bedroom. Not plugging in things into walls. Making sure no Smart meters are close or are properly shielded. No wi fi on at night. No devices in the room that cannot be in airplane mode. Better yet, don not allow kids to have any wireless devices in the bedroom. Make sure bedrooms are not on the other side of a refrigerator or major appliance.
No Blue light 1 hour prior to bed – this decreases melatonin production
Soft noise or no noise
Temperature- ideally 65 degrees
Fresh air - Some researchers say fresh air on cool nights is great to support sleep
No light- Kids often get scared in the dark. If you need to have a light on, there are a few options that don’t require hard, blue light. First, have your child wear a sleep mask so that they can block out as much light as possible. Second, have a night light or bathroom night light that is a red light bulb or a salt lamp.
Essential Oils- Smells such as lavender or rose can be helpful at night.
Weighted blanket
Structural intervention - Have dentist/orthodontist assess airway and dental pallet
Myofunctional therapy - Find a practitioner who specialized in orofacial/myofunctional therapy
Support healthy lifestyle- Getting outside every day, limited screens, laughter, movement, limiting stress
Supporting overall body – addressing root causes that might be affecting sleep
MINDSET
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
While many kids do amazing in areas of healthy mindset, it does seem like with each generation this becomes more and more of a concern. Depression, anxiety, and worry have become more and more common among this generation. While often we can trace things back to nutritional imbalances, infections and environment, we do not ever want to ignore the power behind mindset. Creating healthy habits around mindset comes from foundational childhood. So many adults wrestle with trauma that happened in childhood that they have to work through as adults. In his book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk, sheds light on the fact that what happens to us in trauma, and it does not have to be HUGE trauma in the way many people think of trauma, it leaves its mark, our body keeps it, or holds on
So how do we teach healthy mindset habits?
A favorite game we play at dinner time is “Best Part, Worst Part of Your Day.” And we ask our kids: “What did you learn and what made you laugh?” These are great questions to help 1) keep communication open and 2) to get a feel for your child.
Encourage kids to have a warrior mindset. I highly recommend reading together Jocko Willink’s Way of the Warrior Kid books. Then challenge your family to implement some of these mindset keys, such as confidence and resiliency, that are talked about.
Another recommendation: https://kidwarplan.com/sales-page-502157321629054010491
Gratitude journaling and journaling that is shared by a parent - Your child can write out their fears, struggles, and lies they are believing. Parents then can come back with “truths” to replace these lies or write notes of encouragement.
Date night with a parent or time with a mentor who loves and can speak life into your child - Create a team environment in your home, so that at the end of the day they feel belonging and you can see when things are bothering them. You are able to then address situations as they arise and get help/support that they need
And when they are going through difficulties - Remind them that their current situation is not their final destination
As parents, continually working on our own mindset- Working through your own trauma and learning healthy boundaries – again, “more is caught then taught.”
LIFESTYLE, NATURE, & REST
Our world is further from nature than ever before, but the fact remains, that time in nature is extremely important for our well-being. We cannot out supplement, or healthy eat our way out of a lifestyle that lacks movement, laughter, rest, and nature. No amount of compensating will ever be enough. We need nature and we need rest.
Did you know that spending just a few hours in a forest can improve your immune system by 50% and will last up to 3 days after? Imagine what happens when you spend a weekend camping in the woods. The benefits continue even long after you return home. Forests and the ocean have the same benefits. We need to get our kids not only outside, but into nature. The less touched by human hands, the greater the benefit. Getting out in nature helps support memory, concentration, relieves stress, lowers inflammation, boosts creativity, and more. We also are exposed to more sunshine when outside. Sunshine is vital. Sunshine not only causes us to produce vitamin D through our skin, but it also helps boost sulfation within the body. We need cholesterol to make proper hormones, and we need the act of sulfation to properly synthesize vitamin D and cholesterol. We get that from the sun reaching our skin. Sunlight supports our circadian rhythm which is, again, critical for a sleep supportive lifestyle.
Have you ever noticed how much better your child sleeps after being outside playing all day? I often hear parents complaining about their children being so wild and hyper in the winter. But, we are all to familiar with the feeling of being “cooped up” and suffering “cabin fever.” Our kids feel it just as much when are not getting outside.
One of my favorite resources for encouraging families to get outside and get into nature is the wealth of information over at 1000 Hours Outside. Born out of one family’s mission to reclaim the scientifically proven benefits of nature for their children, the 1000 Hours Outside movement has grown into a blog, a podcast, and even trackers to help make getting outdoors accessible and less intimidating. I’ve linked some of my favorite posts below, but I highly encourage you to explore this nature-loving community and track your “outside” hours for a fun, whole-family challenge.
Additionally, homeschooler and speaker, Greta Eskridge has written amazing guides encouraging parents to get outside and adventure with our children. Her books, Adventuring Together and 100 Days of Adventure, give wonderful lists of activities and field trips to do with your children and speak to the heart of connection that can happen when we venture outside our four walls.
A few ideas to help you get into nature:
Take a walk and, better yet, go for a hike at least once a week
Take a family vacation to a forest or a beach, and if possible, go camping
Plant a garden
Plant flowers or pumpkins - high yield things the kids can help grow
Have a worm bin/ compost bin
Go sledding in the snow
Grab a nature journal and find ways to use it
Go swimming
Have lots of fun outside tools/toys they can use
Bike rides
And finally: Rest
To sabbath is to cease. Rest is more than sleep and not working. Rest is the act of stopping what your normal “work” routine is and to be able to be refueled, refreshed, and restored. Rest gives space for laughter, creativity, play, and family time. This is so important for kids. We cannot live healthy lifestyles where we are finding time to cook healthy foods, sleep well, getting supplements in, limiting stress, getting out in nature, and using therapy tools while we are running all over kingdom come.
We absolutely my make space to get into rhythms, find routines, and create healthy habits.
Creating rhythms around rest makes, literally, a night and day difference. Find a day each week to rest and to simply cease.
Mission Assignment:
1.) Create a sleep routine for yourself and your kids. If you already have one, assess if there is a place you can improve or add to enhance it.
2.) Start your 1000 hours outside!
Resources:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTMDpizis8
https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/blog/why-1000-hours
https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/blog/lets-stop-stealing-time-from-children
https://www.1000hoursoutside.com/blog/children-should-be-outside-for-4-6-hours-everyday
Disclaimer: The following information is not intended to be, nor should they be construed as a claim or representation of medical diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only.